Writing by Blunt truth on Monday, 8 of June , 2009 at 11:56 am
FMU my Umbrella
I was thinking FML!! (fml MEANS FUCK MY LIFE) Just feel like ranting about stuff. This is A-E Next Batch will be posted soon.
FMA
Fuck My Age- Always Too young or too old for anything cool. Fuck you. Who says that you have to be 25 to get into that place? I thought it was always 18 to walk in 21 to crawl out. Nope hey you have to be 25 to get in why? Wtf? There are 16 year old bitchs walking in and I can’t get in? Nice FMA and Fuck this Club
Fuck My boy Alex- Used in the following format FMA for never picking up his cellie when ANYONE CALLS and never following through with plans cool cat love the fucker like a brother but he just disappears for months at a time.
Fuck My ANNA – Not SF Anna the OTHER Anna and we all know who I am referring too. Why? Cause yea I still think about her wtf? FMA right? I wouldn’t mind :X
Fuck My Attitude- God dam look at what I am writing you think I really have a good attitude?? Funny as shit but I will run you over. FMA!!
FMB
FUCK MY BOYS- For saying they will got out and party but never do Fuck you!
Fuck My Bitch- For being Such a bitch that its not even funny.
Fuck My Bend Over Buddy – FMBOB why did you have to Move? Fucking ah now I can’t “work out in the morning”also can be used when they just don’t want to screw and you do
Fuck MY Blog Buddy- FMBB For not posting more often ! wtf? Just post! FML!!
FMC
FUCK MY CAR- Ford does stand for Fixed Or Repaired Daily. To top it off I have 3 loss lug nuts and lost one WOW right? Who’s trying to kill me?? =D come on tell me?
Fuck
My Cat- I don’t have one but yea you can use it in this manor too…. I don’t know too many people with this fetish but hey whatever floats your boat just don’t tell me or send me pictures of it.
Fuck My Cunt- Shes really a Cunt like no joke CUNT is her name.
Fuck My Club Chick – Two types the one that gets you all nice and ready and just leaves you hanging to beat your meat like it owes you money FML. Then type Two the one that’s super hot fucks anything that moves and I do mean anything. Wants you But you didn’t bring a condom and she’s good to go in the bathroom FML.
FMD
Fuck My Dog- See fuck my cat you sick fuck!
Fuck My Door- No not the keyhole FMD for being closed when I was drunk and walked into it.
Fuck My Dad- For being suck a fuck up its not even funny
Fuck My Doll- I Don’t have a blow up doll but I am sure one of you does and likes to share see fuck my cat for more details.
Fuck My Dick – No seriously, if your hot female Doctor or a lawyer hit me up =D 26 and younger sorry ladies
FME
FUCK My EX- you can :) enjoy.
Fuck my Exit plan- Laws suck and I need a nice island to run to when the three letter people come.
Writing by Jessica on Tuesday, 5 of May , 2009 at 9:45 am
I am the maid of honor at my sisters upcoming wedding. Of course I accepted this title when I was asked but I did not realize all the responsibilities that came along with this position. Now my sister asked someone else to be a matron of honor (complete mix up my sister is a big blonde and didnt realize that the maid of honor and the matron of honor are the same damn thing.) And after both of us knew… really nobody can bitch and complain right? Well I realized that I can. Because if you have two people in one position wouldnt you think the responsibilities would be split 50/50? Well in my case, they have not been split 50/50 at all. More like 90/10. For all of you who are unaware of the responsibilities that come along with the matron/maid of honor title… here is a list. (of course if you’re the maid of honor for my sister who doesnt make a solid decision a day in her life you can add like 20 more things to this list example: making sure they have a wedding favor & actually coming up with the idea, finding it on the net etc…)
matron/maid of honor duties:
Help in going with the bride to look at different locations for the wedding. Many times the Bride needs help in choosing where to have the ceremony and party besides what day and time to have the wedding. Ask if you can participate in this process since it can be a very stressful. - The matron of honor actually did help with this. She recommended the place that my sister actually chose. Okay I give her this one.
Bridesmaid dresses. It is very important to help make sure the dresses are ordered and arrive in enough time for alterations! It is helpful for you to attend the multiple fittings in giving your friend some feedback in how the dress looks and fits.- ME
I did not help my sister pick out her dress it is the ONE AND ONLY THING she decided on her own. Actually, she didn’t bring anyone with her when she bought her wedding dress. We all saw it after it when she decided to bring us to the shop to try it on for us.
Bridal Shower as well as the Bachelorette Party!- ME!!! (Although the matron of honor did cook for 4 hours the day before) so she gets some credit for the bridal shower too.
Help the bride choose her wedding invitations as well as possibly address the invitations if she needs your support. Many times a bride may outsource her invitations but if they need to be addressed by the family, your help will be key in reducing the load of tasks to complete.- ME
If the bride needs help in ordering and choosing decorations and favors, your opinions may be helpful in making decisions for narrowing down choices and making sure the decorations are in on time for the wedding, shower and bachelorette parties.-ME
Many times the groom does not want to go to register with his bride-to-be. You can be very supportive by going with your friend to register for her wedding gifts as well as letting other guests know where the bride and groom are registered. This is a very fun experience so take part in the choosing if she needs help.- Her hubby to be did register with her. BUT my sister asked me to go a seperate time to make sure she registered for everything they will need/want. YEAH SO THOSE FANCY KNIVES AND THAT ROASTER & EVERYTHING ELSE THEY GOT AT THE SHOWER… totally me. Yeah another saturday of MINE put towards their wedding.
Help the bride in the seating arrangement. This can be a very difficult process with the more people coming to the wedding. Many times it makes it easier to draw out the tables and move people around until you have a close to perfect fit. Note: It is very helpful to bring this drawing to the wedding just in case there are any mix-ups, you will save the day!- Yeah my sister wont even attempt this. She was like “I was just gonna put anyone anywhere” oh jeez… I will be doing this with her hubby to be & my mom guaranteed.
Help keep order and organization with the other bridesmaids. Attend and help out during the rehearsal dinner. Many times the bride, groom and their families are pre-occupied and forget about things which is where you can save the day by being organized.- My sister’s answer to anyone in the bridal party’s question “Ask my sister or my hubby to be thanks”… yeah ask the matron of honor anything she doesnt know.
Field messages for the bride and her family to make sure you are up on any changes (especially if they are last minute changes that affect the other guests).- Me
Attend all bridal fairs with the bride as well as cake and catering tasting.- My sister chose a place so well known for their food they do not do tastings they do not have to.
Some brides have a hubby to be that just do not help out as much as the bride would like… my sister is fortunate to have a great hubby to be who cares enough that he even designed their wedding invites after my sis said “Oh I dont care just pick any one of them” to ME. NOT MY WEDDING!! Thank goodness he cares… Or this wedding would really just be my wedding…without the commitment in the end haha. sweeeet haha.
Make sure the bride arrives to the ceremony and that she has everything on the maid of honor checklist. One of the most important tasks that a Maid of Honor must accomplish is to keep organized and have a list of items and tasks that need to be checked off to make sure nothing is forgotten on the wedding day! We have created a list below to help out. Make sure the following items are accounted for:
Dress
Bobby Pins
Make-upMake Up for Touch-UpsClear Nail PolishNail GlueHairsprayTissuePerfumeJewelry for the Bride and yourselfWedding Dress shoes and a casual pair for afterUndergarments for the wedding dressNeedle, thread (white and color of bridesmaid dresses), and scissorsContact solution/rewetting drops or glassesBreath MintsPantyhose/Nylons (at least 2 pair)Change of clothing for afterPhone numbers of all the important vendorsWatchAny prescription medication the bride or groom is onPlane tickets and luggage if the newlyweds are going on their honeymoon straight from the weddingExtra money (just in case of emergency)A friend to stand by for back up in case the car has flat tire or engine problemsYour speechCard to give the bride (always a cute friend idea)2 garters (1 to keep and 1 to toss)Grooms RingTylenol and TumsDeodorant / AntiperspirantPhone Numbers of all Important Family Members in the Wedding, Bridesmaids, GroomsToothbrushAntacidCash (In small bills for tips)
(Oh yay… do you see my excitement … I get to pack all that crap…superrr)
Assist the bride in getting into her dress and makeup.
Be the messenger if the bride wants to communicate messages to the family or groom so you are always up on what is going on.
Visit the reception room and party room (if possible) to make sure there are no problems or issues. It is much better to be proactive.
Help make sure the bride has privacy if she needs some quiet time before the ceremony.
Be the witness in the signing of the marriage license which is an honor!- I was asked. I said I would be honored.
Help the bride with her veil and train (if she has one). I have seen many weddings where brides have tripped on their train which takes away from her experience for a moment.
Be your friend’s “right-hand-woman” at the altar. She may be very nervous and you can be the calming source with your presence. - yeah I got her calming effect in a flask thanks lol
Keeper of the brides bouquet during the ceremony. Make sure you have a free hand.- yes I will do this. I will even have tissues stuffed in my dress for her if she needs them.
Keeper of the groom’s ring. It is your task to also make sure the groom’s ring is in your possession at all times until you give the ring over to the bride!- yes I got this.
Make a toast and/or speech during the wedding party since it is tradition and most people love hearing these friendship stories!- Mine is going to make you laugh & cry…all in one speech.
Make sure you lock up the bridal/groom money bag after the bride and groom dance with all of their family and friends so someone does not steal or pick it up by accident. - I think Im gonna make sure my parents know where the hell this loot is. I do not want this responsibility. thanks.
Last, but not least, provide moral support and be a great listener throughout the process since it is a very wonderful and “positively” stressful time for your friend. You can really make the difference!- Yeah who is providing me with my support???
Too often, the duty of “straightening/fluffing” the Bride’s dress is overlooked. If the Bride is staying on a level, straight path, then this can be done before her descent down the aisle. However, if she is turning, or stepping up steps and/or turning to reach her destination, then the Maid/Matron of Honor should first adjust her train before accepting the bouquet to hold. This is most easily done by holding the train at points about (2) feet apart, and gently “shaking” the train (as if shaking a rug!) one good time, and it will fall beautifully in place.- I got this.
I cannot wait for my non-wedding related vacation at the end of this month. Florida bound to see the greatest family everrr. The last time I was there though.. Papa bear offered me food like every hour & I ate like a queen. I dont think I can do that this time. I got a maid of honor dress to fit into. All of my vacation countdowns begin now… let their honeymoon countdown begin…now.
As long as they live happily ever after right? And I survive fairly unharmed from all the stress.
AND if you are as awesome as me… you make sure you add in a few extra special surprises here and there for their special day. -All organized by me, myself & I.
Writing by K. Mcghee on Tuesday, 5 of May , 2009 at 8:28 am
Sexuality! Its not all the same
booty calls, one night stands and fuck buddies!
booty-call-Whos-your-mack-daddy
To some people these three types of sexual experiences are all the same. Those people are idiots! These are completely different in many aspects…lets take a look starting with some definitions
booty call: A person who is called to relive sexual desires. (may be an ex)
one night stand: A person who you may or may not have known that you slept with for one reason or another.
fuck buddy: A FRIEND that you can have sex with and have no adverse effects on your friendship.
See told you they were different!, but that’s not the most important part of these relationship, its how we handle everyday things with these people. Most people don’t know how to differentiate these relationships the next morning. Here are a few rules to follow…
Booty Calls: Booty calls can be difficult, you want the sex but not the friendship or relationship and if you want that sex to continue you have to walk a tight rope. You cant be rude and throw the person out but they should not spend the night. This relationship if done correctly should consist of two people who only really like each other for sex. This means that you may have dated this person in the past and just didn’t click on a real basis…have no fear because if you enjoyed the sex while dating it doesn’t have to stop just because the relationship ended. You do however need to play your cards right and keep emotions at bay. At no point in this booty call should words like love be uttered from anyone’s mouth. There is no need to call and check on the person the next day or if you see each other in public there is no need to greet each other in anyway other then you would to a random person you know from that bar.
One Nighters: One nighters can be a bit complicated. They usually involve people who don’t know each other very well and a lot of alcohol. We have all woken up after a long night of partying and found someone in bed with us. Despite what you may remember…yes you most likely had sex. This is where it gets awkward…you have a few choices, is this a person you wanted to get into bed? Why? Did u want a chance at a relationship? Do they know that? The best way to handle this situation is the same as you would if you didn’t sleep together. Just exchange numbers and be on your way. If you want a shot at that relationship or have an STD that your doctor told you that you should disclose to any sexual partners then you can call, but be warned…the outcome may not be what you want!
Fuck Buddies: (FB) There is a fine line between a fuck buddy and a booty call. The biggest difference is that you actually talk to and/or hang out with your fuck buddy. A FB is usually a person you have been friends with for some time. This is the person you bring to your cousins wedding because you aren’t dating anyone at the time, but don’t want to go alone. This is also the person that you can call up to go to the bar or watch a movie with because you both like it, not because you want a date. After any of these situations you and your FB may then have sex. The next day you can call, but not to see if they are OK with what happened, but to see if they are hitting the bar after work, or if they heard so and so did who or whatever. There doesn’t need to be a discussion about what happened the night before because it wasn’t the first time and probably wont be the last. All this being said you do have a few responsibilities.
1) Playing the wingman/wingwomen: If your at the bar with your friends and your FB wants to get with some guy or girl you need to help!
2) Playing the boy/girlfriend: If your FB is being haunted by some creepy drunk guy or some annoying drunken girl you need to step in and “pretend to be your FB’s boy or girl friend” only to get them away from that situation!
3) The “love” word: This should only be used is a friendship context. If you have been friends for years and you sign your Christmas card “love …” fine but only if you sign all your friends cards that way. Also there is no need to worry about relationship holidays like Valentines Day.
4)You also have to be the revenge tool: This means if your FB just broke off a relationship and is angry or upset you need to be there for the angry, drunken, sloppy sex that may end up with the person crying in the middle and you not…finishing! You don’t need there to be an emotional voice but as a tool to relieve aggression.
5) Spending the night: Unlike booty calls a FB is allowed to spend the night, but it is not nessesary. Usually they will wake up on a Saturday morning in your house grab some Motrin and a beer and be on there way or hang out and hit the diner with you to get a greasy egg sandwich.
6) Relationships: If your FB enters a real relationship, you are required to be a regular friend. If you get jealous or spiteful you are not a real FB but someone hoping for more. That being said watch out the shit will eventually hit the fan.
All in all you need to be aware of what type of relationship you are in and also consider what the other person may think. The worst way to find out what relationship you are in is when it’s too late to fix it.
Writing by Blunt truth on Wednesday, 8 of April , 2009 at 11:45 am
You have to give these guys some credit! This the 4th ship this week that they have captured. To top off this fact this is a fling a United States flag. With today’s ship that is 14 ships and 260 people that are being held hostage by these Pirates. How insane is this?? 260 people! You have to respect these guys they are good at what they do.
I think that most of us can also identify with them. We all wanted to be pirates living by our wits, free of laws and rebelling against authority. These guys are living that life but not by choice. Choices are few and far apart in Somalia. They took the cooler one (I think)
At some point though they will run into the wrong ship crew, a crew that is “locked and loaded” and the results will not be pretty.
It‘s Saturday night and I am working….. But things could be worse. Found an old song that I think most of us can relate to. Laurent Wolf - No Stress this song is great in so many ways. If you think about it describes our lives to a t. All day and sometimes night we work. Do we really want to? Not really but we need to get paid.
We all hang-on to one or two things that keep us sane while working. I have seen too many of people miserable at work just counting down the minutes of the day. Things should not be this way! Too many of us just rationalize this as the status quo.
But why? Can anyone answer this for me? Why should we count down the days till our next day off?
Are there no good jobs left?
Writing by Blunt truth on Wednesday, 1 of April , 2009 at 12:30 pm
Biden family
Party like a Rock Star! Hookers and Coke! This week’s breaking news Ashley daughter of our vice president Joe Biden may have been videotaped snorting coke! WTF? First off, her father was the “Drug czar” He has fought against drugs for the last I don’t know ever. I do not think that she would have been stupid enough to do any drugs in front of a camera. PLUS now that her father is the vice president, I am sure that she knows there will be a lot of people after her for anything that be used in the news. The other important factor is that The New York Post did not buy the video. Meaning that there is nothing on it. This is the case of some guy just trying to be slick. I hope a spook “cleans” him up for wasting our time.
Writing by Blunt truth on Wednesday, 25 of March , 2009 at 2:53 pm
Soap superman
I now understand what Agent Smith meant when he says “It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.” The amount of disgusting habits that exist in this world is amazing. I just saw someone sneeze twice on the person next to them not even attempting to cover their mouth and not even say they are sorry. How? If I didn’t cover my mouth when I sneezed I will not feel right. It’s a simple habit that prevents people from getting sick. EASY RIGHT? But no, half the people in my school do not even understand this simple habit. You don’t even want me to start with the rules of the bathroom …. I don’t shake anyone’s hand in this place.
Next issue being, the stench from some of the student body. I can’t even comprehend how a person could be smelled from 15 or more away. A perfect example of this was in the library today and I had to leave because the smell of curry was burning my eyes. It was that bad. How hard it is to shower and take care of the smell? It’s not I know lots of people that eat curry and do not smell. THEY take care of the issue. What scares me the most is the fact that someday these habits will rub off on me. Fat chance…. But like no joke. I don’t want to get sick because someone didn’t wash their hands or themselves. Take care of these issues people or it that too much to ask for? USE SOAP LOTS OF IT
Ironically none of those people will read this blog ;0)
Writing by Jessica on Thursday, 19 of March , 2009 at 1:31 pm
It’s that time of year when your girl scout cookies are coming in OR you’re bumping into those screaming little girls selling them in random public places. Seems you cannot escape them. They are at the grocery, the train station, Walmart, even the mall…etc. I am a very proud girl scout drop out. I didn’t last much passed 10/11 years old. I was a girl scout for about 5 years before girl scout camp completely did me in. Not because I am soo girlie and love the color pink but because I had a close encounter with a snake. I do not like snakes. Scratch that, I HATE SNAKES. I cried hard every time my mom sent me to girl scout camp. I even recall a time where our troop leader purposely opened the out house door on my sister while she was peeing as a joke and I FLIPPED OUT on her. Big surprise that I flipped out…I know. lol But seriously, I have memories that I will never forget about my girl scout days. Heather and I went together and eventually Tiff was old enough to join our troop. I want to say we were probably the trouble makers of the group but who knows really. I think the troop leaders’ daughter and her friends were definately bitches so if you ask me they were the cause of all chaos.
But I do not recall ever being so into really selling the cookies. I mean I hit up my family and neighbors like any other but I don’t recall trying to pawn them off at the local grocery store or even dressing up as the cookie and trying to sell them at the mall. Lame attempt by the way. What would impress me would be them in little chef outfits with easy bake ovens baking them hot and fresh right then and there.
But anyway the day your coworker brings in your girl scout cookies it is almost like you hit the lotto. I get people running up to me going “I got my girl scout cookies YESSSS” or emails or IM’s from friends/coworkers saying the same. I am sad now though because I have not received my cookies. I am suffering from girl scout cookie envy at the moment. I ordered the thin mints for Tiff since she likes to eat them frozen. I also got the samoas for my dad and the shortbread for myself. Little did I know that Tiff already had thin mints ordered through Mike’s job. Now she is realllllly happy because she has double. lol
So do tell… what is your girl scout cookie of choice? AND have yours come in yet???????
Didn’t buy girl scout cookies? Can’t seem to find those screaming girls outside Walmart or at the mall to buy some? Check this out…. a restaurant making desserts after the girl scout cookie flavors. That is what I call awesome! http://www.delish.com/food/food-articles/san-diego-restaurant-week-girl-scouts
Writing by Jessica on Monday, 9 of March , 2009 at 1:20 pm
Ever since I could remember I always had some kind of business plan. I was forever searching for the next big way to make a buck. There was a time my best friend and I went to a local tourist station and took all the free pamphlets. We dragged them in bags that were breaking a few miles to my grand mother’s house. We set them up in the front yard in neat piles with rocks on top of them to keep them from blowing away in the wind. Ya know, we didn’t need our “investment” getting away from us after all that hard work. We sat there for what I am sure were a few hours. One guy stopped to check out what we were selling. I believe we had some sort of clever chant that we would scream at cars passing by. Looking back, I think he might have just been a creeper, pedophile type of dude. He took his time looking at each pamphlet… lifted each rock. We were selling for like .50 cents each even though some of them had FREE clearly printed on their covers. He really took his time standing around with us and he didn’t ask any questions regarding the pamphlets. He just looked at us, the pamphlets and got back in his car and drove off.
Can you look back on your precious childhood memories and reminisce of times when you dreamed of making money? Did you actually act it out like we did? Or is this just some crazy scheme that we had that really put us out of the norm? haha.
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All of my vacation countdowns begin now… let their honeymoon countdown begin…now.
Ever since I could remember I always had some kind of business plan. I was forever searching for the next big way to make a buck. There was a time my best friend and I went to a local tourist station and took all the free pamphlets. We dragged them in bags that were breaking a few miles to my grand mother’s house. We set them up in the front yard in neat piles with rocks on top of them to keep them from blowing away in the wind. Ya know, we didn’t need our “investment” getting away from us after all that hard work. We sat there for what I am sure were a few hours. One guy stopped to check out what we were selling. I believe we had some sort of clever chant that we would scream at cars passing by. Looking back, I think he might have just been a creeper, pedophile type of dude. He took his time looking at each pamphlet… lifted each rock. We were selling for like .50 cents each even though some of them had FREE clearly printed on their covers. He really took his time standing around with us and he didn’t ask any questions regarding the pamphlets. He just looked at us, the pamphlets and got back in his car and drove off. 
